I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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