i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
