my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
