she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize