I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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