Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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