She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just cut my nipple shaving
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
