Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize