you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
