You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
