Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Randomize
