I think i sorta joined a cult last night
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
