if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
