well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
