reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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