So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
