bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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