Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
