Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
