Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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