Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
