ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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