If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
