So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
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