sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
