I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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