dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
