You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
either way he was missing a nipple.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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