it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
