Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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