Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
