Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
