how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
