i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
