Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
