my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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