What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
My vagina is officially offended.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
