I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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