note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
