if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Boobs are out for the taking
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
