Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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