i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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