Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
