oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
People in love make me want to vomit
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize