Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
