There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Need sex. Gaining weight.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
