I'm sorry my penis didn't work
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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