i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
