Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
