Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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