dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
