i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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