I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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