so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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