ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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