and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize