just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
