Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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