I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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