i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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