who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
