i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Everything about him screamed your future.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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