some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
