He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
