Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
