It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
