a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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