i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
