To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
