We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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