you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
The air taste purple.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
