I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
