And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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