Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize