Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Randomize